Top 10 Dumbest Things Pro Athletes Do
There seems to be an endless stream of idiotic things professional
athletes do. I guess if you put a bunch of young men together,
give them a boat-load of money and lots of free time, what
can you expect? When beautiful women, the media and the luxuries
of life are thrown at them, their cockiness and stupidity
are only amplified. Here are my top ten, but of course there
are lots more. However, we must always remember, they are
only human too.
1. Me Make Good Play!
Ever see NFL players beat their chest like a gorilla after
they just made a good play? I guess it's a Tarzan thing or
something, but they look kinda ridiculous. Maybe if I was
out there on the field and I was a 170-pound kicker watching
a defensive lineman beating his chest after a sack, I may
be a little intimidated, but overall, they look really silly
doing it. (I attended a professional all-women's football
game this year and saw a 350-pound woman do this, which was
2. The God Factor, Part I
I hate it when players point up to Heaven and thank God after
a good play too. Bear in mind however, that I am not criticizing
religion or anyone for having faith in God. But this just
looks lame. It happens a lot in MLB for some reason. A strikeout
will cause Pedro Martinez to do the chest-touch and double-index-finger-point
to God as if he and God were chatting earlier about possible
pitching strategies in the locker room, and the strategy they
chose together worked, so he had to personally thank God using
his direct line.
3. The God Factor, Part II
Locker rooms, sidelines, dugouts, bullpens, and court sides
are often full of praying men. One question: "If you are praying
to win, and your opponent is praying to win, who does God
4. Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do When They Come
Why do pro jocks get arrested for drug and/or gun possession
so much? Of course, lots of people do this one unfortunately,
we just happen to hear about the famous athletes who do. C'mon
guys, keep the drugs at home, stop driving while high, and
for crying out loud, stop packin'! You don't need a gun. Who's
going to harm you? You're six six and weigh 275 pounds!
5. It Wasn't Me!
Telling Congress you don't do steroids, then getting caught
doing steroids is pretty dumb. I loved watching the clips
where Rafael Palmero sat pointing a finger at the Congressional
hearing stating with disgust and confidence, "I do not take
steroids." And then the next clip showing him apologizing
profusely for taking steroids.
6. I Love You To Death
Murdering ex-lovers doesn't happen very often fortunately,
but my list wouldn't be complete without at least mentioning
It seems that there are a lot of NBA players out there who
use the phrase, "My baby's mom" a little too often. And there's
too many pro athletes' offspring introducing their buddies
as "My brother from another mother." Ever hear of a condom?
8. How Much Bling Bling Do You Need!?
It's fascinating to watch professional athletes blow through
all their millions in their first year or two and then have
nothing left at retirement, which is usually only a few years
later. How many fifty-year-olds are still playing pro sports?
Not many (minus golfers of course, who will drag their canes
and oxygen tanks with them on the fairway). So why don't pro
athletes save a couple of bucks?
9. Love My Hog
It's not too smart to get injured off the job when you're
a pro athlete. Cleveland Browns Kellen Winslow Jr. crashed
his motorcycle recently and will now miss the 2005 NFL season.
Jay Williams, a number one draft pick of the Chicago Bulls,
also got into a motorcycle accident and has not played since.
What's with motorcycles anyhow? Talk about killing the goose
that lays the golden eggs.
10. "When You Come To a Fork in the Road, Take It" - Yogi
Saying really dumb things in the media seems to be a particularly
easy thing to do if you're a professional athlete. I looked
in a lot of places online to come up with a good list here.
My problem was that there were so many good ones, I wasn't
sure which ones to pick. But here are a few gems:
a. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially
my mother and father."
b. Baseball player Tito Fuentes, after getting hit by a pitch:
"They shouldn't throw at me. I'm the father of five or six
c. Football coach Ray Malavasi: "I don't care what the tape
says. I didn't say it."
d. Baseball player Dizzy Dean, after a 1-0 game: "The game
was closer than the score indicated."
e. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even
some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
f. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like
they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
g. Bill Cowher, Pittsburgh Steelers coach: "We're not attempting
to circumcise rules."
h. Jim Wohford: "Ninety percent of the game is half mental."
i. Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius.
A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
j. Charles Shackleford of the NCSU basketball team: "Left
hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious."
k. Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won
at every level, except college and pro."
As I already asked before, what can we expect from professional
athletes? They often reflect society as a whole. Too much
time, money and fame at a really young age can augment stupidity,
simple as that. We all say and do dumb things, but thankfully,
we don't have microphones and video cameras pointed at us
all the time. As Norman Einstein used to say, "Really smart
athletes stay away from problems because they can predict
the future with their ESPN."
Jason OConnor runs http://www.BestShowTicketsLasVegas.com
where you can buy cheap online tickets to the NFL, NBA, MLB,
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